A futile struggle and a beautiful moment are the same.
Hello World! Two Coffee cups a day keeps the problems away, at least while we are writing here!
I had, yesterday, one of those days that will definitely enter in the annals of my life.
I went for a restaurant far far away from home with my friends, as a farewell party, since one of them now lives in another state, and that makes it really hard for us to see him. We were able to unite ourselves again, for that small period of time. And it was, quite literally, a magical moment. We ate a lot, talked a lot, and kept on rewinding good memories, as I clearly noticed that we were creating right there, one of the most important moments not of that group, but of my life too. We took a photo there. Everyone was smiling. And we recorded a video, we, that shall not be seen until 2031.
You see, time can be incredible. I will never forget about how simple that place was. I will never forget our smiles as we ate pizza or kept talking about silly stuff. we spent just some hours there, but they will become somewhat eternal, as long as we are still here. It won't be truly eternal, but as long as we live, it will be. And that's curious.
I am a pretty judgemental person about myself. I definitely can't deal well with my fears or obligations, at least at the moment. Today, while I was having an appointment with my psychologist, she said that I should write down what words comes into my mind when I think about my failures. I wrote, after giving it some thought, "Incapacity". "Insecurity". And finally, the point of all of this wall of text: "Pointless".
As we talked about why I wrote that, I've thought that "Even if something goes wrong, there's also nothing wrong with that." I thought about why I am so uneager to drive, even with a License. It seems pointless. Another person can do it for me. I thought about why I failed Calculus Three again. Why should I even care? Pointless crossed my mind again. Well, in the grand scheme of things, maybe it is pointless if I am used to driving or not. If I'm approved or not at something. But it also is pointless that this one moment with my dear friends happened, too. And that was something I refused to believe.
So, for a moment, Sisyphus came into my mind. And also a f#cking game quote, which makes this sound so absurdly dumb. "...An existence defined by futile struggle. Doomed, from the very start. And I don't regret a SECOND of it."
The Albert Camus book went with the thought too, So I will write about it.The Myth of Sisyphus, at least in my point of view, creates it's path based on one thing: That if our world and our lives have meaning, We won't be able to discover or truly notice it. It won't be revealed to us. Ever. We, as Sisyphus, are able to recognize that condition, but we don't accept it. Sisyphus carries a brutal and futile struggle, the one of carrying a boulder for all eternity. Yet, he also never stops. You see, our lives are our own definition of eternity. just as the concept of infinite in maths. We carry our burdens, in a futile struggle, during our own infinite. But do we regret it? truly? The answer is no, since we are still here. We are still pushing the boulder. One must imagine Sisyphus happy for the same reason we live. Life doesn't make sense. It is futile, at the same time it is not. We don't want to do meaningless things, for the same reason we NEED to do them. Every single soul needs to deal with this.
Our world is an absurd one.
I recognize, after reflecting upon this very long post, that even if we understand it has no purpose at all, even if everything is pushing a boulder to all eternity, I am, after all, willing to push it. I am the one who pushes that boulder. I am the one who, without even noticing, wants to overcome my own problems. And that's surreal.
One must imagine Sisyphus happy. We are Sisyphus, and I won't ever regret a second of it.