Homecoming
Hello World!
It’s been a while since I last wrote here. A year, to be exact. A year filled with moments that felt like fragments of a puzzle I wasn’t sure I could complete. But here I am, sitting with my black coffee (Just one cup a day, now, but It's a very good V60 brewed one! Thanks to my dear girlfriend for the wonderful gift), and I can finally say it: I’m doing fine.
When I look back at the posts I wrote a year ago, I see a version of myself who was grappling with existence, trying to make sense of the absurdity of life. I wrote about Sisyphus and his eternal struggle, about the futility of it all, and yet, somewhere in those words, there was a quiet defiance. A refusal to let the pointlessness win. And that refusal carried me forward.
You see, it isn’t about finding meaning in the grand scheme of things. It’s about creating meaning in the small, seemingly insignificant moments. Like the farewell party I wrote about last year.That moment felt eternal then, and it still does now. It wasn’t pointless. It was everything.
I’ve also learned to be kinder to myself. The self-judgment that once consumed me has softened. I no longer see my failures as proof of incapacity or insecurity. Instead, I see them as part of the journey. Calculus Three? Yeah, I failed it, But I also passed it with a very good grade!. Driving? I’m still not a fan, but I’ve gotten behind the wheel more often, and each time feels like a small victory. I need to be more open with the people around me about all of that.
My psychologist once asked me to write down the words that came to mind when I thought about my failures. Back then, I wrote “Incapacity,” “Insecurity,” and “Pointless.” If she asked me today, I think I would write “Homecoming.” Because that’s what this past year has felt like—a return to myself.
I’ve been reading more, too. Remember that list of books and games I wanted to experience before I left this world? I’ve checked a few off. I finished Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2, The House in Fata Morgana left me in tears, SNATCHER was great. Most of the list I still did not finish, But that’s okay. Life doesn’t have to be rushed.
And yes, I finally scored a job. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. It’s a step forward. It’s a Quality Assurance in code one- For me, that's proof that even when things feel pointless, they can still lead somewhere. I also scored a place as coder in my University Robotics Team, something I'm very proud of.
I’ve come to accept that life is a series of contradictions.I’ve stopped trying to reconcile those contradictions and instead embraced them. I push the boulder not because I have to, but because I want to.
So, here I am. A year older, a year wiser, and a year closer to whatever the future holds for me.
Take care, and thank you for being here. We’ll meet again.